Dear Dumb & Dumber,
We've crushed the record books! Best sign-up ever. You all are demonstrably unbalanced, but cool as hell!
Kind of new are 1-800-Ask, who was in some years ago. Marriage to a legal fox may have slowed him down, but he returns now as a proud father, eager to begin educating his brand new baby, Sabrina, in the finer aspects of the world.
Also making a kind of comeback is Alumpa, who was kind of in last year (as a BamaBro), but who didn't believe the Commish's warning to show up. This ain’t Fantasy Football! Here you have to wallow in the mud with all of us to be addicted and accepted.
Delivery boy has joined Kid Rock in many ways. She likes him knocking at her door. Probably will destroy her recent record of excellent picks, waiting for overnight express!
Now you all know Shroomer has retired. Many aren't aware why. When the Dead retired, he felt honor bound to scale back too. Both he and the Dead have represented the premium personification of performance art!! Cheers to him who stays as a wretched picker with Doc. [Go DoShroom!]
His replacement, formerly known as Gutterball, said that he'd take over if I'd give him a new name. Quite an error in judgment, as I warned him! He's been studying hard under the tutelage of Shroomer—what a pair!! And somehow they teamed up to get the first week done! Accolades to this incredible accomplishment!! And I've kept my promise (threat) to replace “Gutterball” (he’s not on the pro tour anymore.) He shall henceforth be known as “Cornholed”. (Ouch!)
Remember to present your bottlecaps to the Butt. She now is working part time for Goldman Sachs, consulting late at night.
Cherapova is still the receiver for the Outlaw Line. I advise tipping.
And lastly, we are now happily in the hands of Mr. Goose who is the manager at the Dog.
Bad Luck!
The Commish
If you’re going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise, you're just an ass!