Dear Dense and Distraught,
Big thanks to Shroomer for getting everyone’s scores straight after one totally canceled game and a make-up game, due to extreme weather events! And thanks to the Butt for checking it twice—nice!! Luckily the president has assured us that all the scientists, including the ones he hired, are wrong, and there is no climate change!!!
Due to our investigative team’s (Dusty Rhodes) research, we present more info in re: Butt Drugs.
Shroomer’s brother Fungi is the only player with no bottlecaps. Brother’s in the cow patties!!
Anyone notice Mrs. Vice whispering in Mr. Vice’s ear? Perhaps she is the brains behind their picks?!
Bad Luck,
The Commish
Your house is so dirty, you have to wipe your feet before you go outside!
Alcohol!! Because no great story began with someone eating salad!!!