Dear Donkeys & Elephants,
Hallelujah! The humiliating debates are over!! Aren’t you all embarrassed? It’s like introducing Brain or School Marm to your parents—scary!!
Pictured below is Surge with his sons G String & Boa on his right, and their adopted grandfather, RagArm, on their far left. Amazing he still has his teeth. They appeared last weekend on ESPN Game Day before the Ohio St./Wisconsin game. Unfortunately, grandpa fell asleep in an inebriated haze before the overtime. I certainly don’t appreciate them mentioning on the air how poorly I was doing in FYSMDP! Bah!!
How depressing that former FYSMDPeer Sir Luncelot, an outlaw line virgin, won last week! It turns out he copied his GF Tiffany’s picks, but misread one—she finished 3rd!!
An important news release: Fetish wasn’t with us last week because he was finally getting the penis reduction surgery that Mrs. Fetish has been requesting. Also, he’s tired of his college buddy, Anthony Weiner, complaining about how he has to photo-shop his little Weiner to match the giant Fetish engine. And now the good news: he’s saved the removed part and had it frozen. It’s being donated to the first guy who buys him a drink tonight. Have no fears. Your name will not be released (ha, ha). However, he asked that he be allowed to take before-and-after photos, anonymously. Go Greek!!
You shouldn’t ever play hide-and-seek. No one would look for you!
Bad Luck,
The Commish