Dear Deplorables,
Once again, your Commish is proposing a sure fire opportunity to increase your portfolio. Only 31 seats are available to the Take-Fatty-to-Vegas weekend! Yes, here is your chance to invest in a proverbial winner—first place twice in a row in the largest Outlaw Lines ever!! Each person accompanying her will be given a weekend of football picks for a hundred bottle caps per game and a fond embrace. She’s so confident in her newfound ability that she said, “You’re all playing for 2nd place!”
Last week Rag Arm was so appalled at many of your stanky picks, he suggested I do weekly drug testing on you all. He believes there are several brain damaged players, a couple of you not using enough PEDs, and at least one person from Uranus. So, I’ve asked each of you to make picks that are the same as his—straight chalk! Thanks for your cooperation.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately
Bad Luck,
The Commish