Dear New Year’s Yahoos and Nerds,
New Year’s Eve is the only acceptable time to wear glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.
If you had to pick on New Year’s Eve, which roofie flavor is your favorite?
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!!
New Year’s Eve forecast—mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out!!
Bad Luck,
The Commish
