Dear Very, Extremely Awkward Turtles, I’m so happy that all our players fit in so nicely as awkward turtles—upside down, legs flailing in the air. Many of you will probably never be straight up again. Speaking of straight (tee hee), tonight may everyone toast Shroomer and Mona Lott, who are celebrating something or other by going somewhere or other for an event called Fantasy Fest. Bet there will be a lot of straights there! Really? Will we make it all the way through the baseball playoffs without Ragarm being vilified for his marshmallow pitches to Ozzie Smith? Please see him for this week’s Outline Line. Try your luck with his generous, soft ball odds. He’s a regular Robin Hood, taking from the rich and giving to the poor!
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Bad Luck,
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