Dear Lame and Lamented,
How great to see Fatty and Mr. Fatty last week! Most of you are unaware that Fatty was laid up for a month after being laid down in a rather awkward position by Mr. Fatty. Apparently the devices they were using wrenched her back out. Glad you’ve bounced back!
Once again the big stiff, Lil Nipper, has failed to pay his considerable debts to your Commish. Let this serve notice to everyone to cease and desist making wagers with this deadbeat. Perhaps I can recover by going through the skeletons in his closet as he hosts the Super Bowl Party.
* A pox on Idler leading his division in 24th place!
* How many times do LSU and Alabama have to play? Screw the BCS.
* Cellboy finally showed up and was greeted with a chorus of boos.
May you be the greatest proof of reincarnation—no one could be that dumb in just one lifetime.
Bad luck,
The Commish